The Purpose of life

There was a discussion in North Vancouver about the purpose of life.


While there already is a post here before about the meaning of life, the topic is so broad that the discussion can go many ways.

Someone suggested that the purpose of life was previously defined by religion.  God made us and the purpose of human life is to serve God and to do what God wanted us to do. 

However, since the Reformation, there was the change to more self reflection rather than to listen to the church and with enlightenment; the secular influence put the God given purpose in question.

It is now up to us to figure out what we are here for.

As individuals, we can look at maximizing our pleasure in our lives, making the most of our time in this world, do something of significance.

However, the question of "what is the purpose of my life" is different from "what is the purpose of human life".

A person who deliberately considered what are the pressing problems in this world, how it can be solved, then map out the steps required to do it, and then embark on a course following these steps, is living a life completely different then someone who live for the pleasure of the moment with no thought for tomorrow.

While whether the one life is better than the other is a value judgement, we can at least accept that the first one is more purposeful and productive.




Martin, the moderator, suggested that another way at looking at the purpose of life is what makes life significant.  We tend to want significance in our lives.

Is this a matter of personal pride? Or wanting approval and praise from others?

Maybe it is because we value our time on this earth and we do not want to waste it and therefore look for something significant to do so that we can have something to show for our life when we are at our death bed.

Children do not seem to question the purpose of life.

Is it possible that as we grow, we get involved in the complexities of what it takes to get something done and become constantly entangled in working towards goals that are further down the road?  That we convince ourselves that delay gratification is the necessary sacrifice to achieve those goals?

All of a sudden we found ourselves continually doing things we don't necessarily wanted to do and then ask the question, what is the purpose of life?

May be the question is invalid.  It is nonsensical to ask what is the purpose of a dog's life, or a tiger's life, or that of any other animals.  They are just there evolved from their ancestors millions of years ago and so how are we any different?

Envy and jealousy

Mano had his cafe on envy and jealousy last night.

The two terms have been used interchangeably in recent times and both are related to our reaction to other people's possessions, abilities, or circumstances.

Jealousy (particularly in the case of a jealous lover) is more to do with the fear of losing someone who we are already with.  While envy is typically of wanting or coveting what others has that we do not have.

Both can be summed up as the reaction to a perceived inequality in how we are treated. The main word here is "perceived" which is by us and controlled by us.

Can we control our envy? Convince ourselves that our perception of inequality should be changed, then move on to change it and not be envious anymore?

Another way of looking at it is entitlement.  In older societies where the class system is more set, the lower classes were not envious of the upper class as there was not a feeling of entitlement there.

However, with modern society where we are told that we have equal opportunities and we can be whatever we want to be, it is much easier to become envious of other people's better circumstances. 

The negative connotation of envy is likely associated with the inferiority we feel when we see other people being better off.  Will we still be envious or jealous if we are more confident of ourselves?

Some people at the meeting said that with age and experience come confidence and they feel less envy and jealousy as they got older and more at peace with themselves.

But then envy is a motivator to do better.  Nothing like seeing other people's achievements to spur one on, to emulate and to surpass.

Should young people be content when they are at the growth stage of their life and careers?

A more positive but just as potent motivator is admiration.  Rather than emphasizing on what we don't have or lack, let's concentrate on being impressed with the world outside of us.

Gerald wonders how we can be more appreciative of what we already have. Some suggested mindfulness as a way of getting out of the "rat race" of chasing after ever changing carrots dangling in front of us to think of what we already have.


Mindfulness is a big topic on its own.  However, I am always reminding myself of how seamlessly we tend to push routine things into our unconscious and that our mind is always on what is changing, new, exciting, or tragic.  There is nothing like getting out of our routine to see how much goes on in our unconscious motions.  Travel and being away from our familiar surroundings is one way to bring some of these back from the unconscious back to front and center when we come home.

There was also the interesting thought that scarcity must play some part in envy and jealousy.  No one will be envious if they live in abundance and can help themselves to whatever others already have. 



 

6/12/2013 Sex addiction

This coming Wednesday at the Ideas Cafe, we will discuss sex addiction.

In the last few years, famous personalities who have been exposed with having extramarital affairs have later on declared that they have an addiction to sex, apologized and had gone to treatment for the condition.

However, sex addiction is not included in the fifth edition of the American Psychiatric Association's (APA) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.  This is in spite of criticism of the DSM update over the years have included more and more conditions as disorders.

Googling "sex addiction" shows many offers of clinics to rehabilitate the condition.  There is also a sex addiction anonymous which lists the following description:

"Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. A large number of sex addicts say their unhealthy use of sex has been a progressive process. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or electronic), or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors."

http://saavancouver.org/index.html (look under "what is a sex addict")

What is an "unwanted behavior"?  Is my preference for garlic foods a problem because someone do not like the smell of garlic?

What is "unhealthy use of sex"?  Is having sex for recreation and not for procreation unhealthy?

Is masturbation now a sign of sexual addiction?

Perhaps an audio versions of erotica is okay since printed or electronic versions may be classed as material as starting point for sex addiction? Definition of pornography?

Relationship - seems obvious that sex outside of marriage must be part of sex addiction?

Dangerous behaviors - when does behavior becomes dangerous?

It may seem that I may be overly skeptical here in picking at their description and making the point that it seems vague.  Look then to the solution for this addiction (the 12 steps referenced in the "how" for the same website) which they claim to be tried and true......


Step One: We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behaviour — that our lives had become unmanageable.

Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

Step Four: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Step Five: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step Six: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Step Seven: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

Step Eight: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step Nine: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Step Ten: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Step Eleven: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.

Step Twelve: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.

Seems like we need god to decide whether we are addicted to sex or not. 

It also seems dangerously easy to judge anyone to be a sex addict or worse, some proclaimed spokesman for god may do the judging.

Perhaps clinics are making good money on this and celebrities are finding a way to claim it to be a "medical condition" that they can recuperate from?

Contrast all this with the equally difficult to define issue of  "female sexual arousal disorder" on the other side.  It is in the DSM version V as a disorder but feminist groups have criticize it as an attempt by pharmaceutical companies to make money selling drugs to remedy a condition that does not exists.
 
What is "normal"?  

For a couple who is having difficulty with differing level of sexual interest among the two, is the male having a sex addiction problem or the female having a sexual arousal disorder?

May be god can have a word with the psychiatrist and work this out.