What may we regret when we die?

On Wednesday, we had a lively discussion about regrets, bucket lists, and dying.

The discussion started with a continuation of the Aesop fable characters of the grasshopper and the ant, self indulgence for the now versus the diligent saving for the future.

The fable is from the view point of the saver, pointing out the frivolousness of enjoying the moment. Therefore it is bias from that perspective.

However, Mano pointed out that life is about "self regarding" as well as regard for others. After living a life of self regarding, it is possible for one at the later years in life to realize that one should also have regard for others and therefore feel regret about not living life well before.

In other words, one possible source of regret in later life is to have a change in how one values one's life resulting in regret for one's prvius actions and choices up to then.

I wonder why we cannot see this new change in value as an improvement, while late in life, it is still something to be celebrated rather than to regret what has past and cannot be changed. Better late than never, the prodigy son is still better than the continuing sinner. In fact, according to the Jesus, it is even better than the son that have been virtuous all along!

Shula had a good distinction between regret and remorse in that remorse involve lapses in moral character while regret includes choosing a wrong turn and other non moral decisions as well.

Bruce mentioned that of the recent death events that he know, the persons involved did not feel regret about their lives but were grateful for their life experiences and were more into celebrating their lives, saying goodbyes to their friends and relatives.

This is reassuring. Perhaps we just worry too much and that life has a way of changing our perspective in our later years, preparing us for the inevitable ending.

There was also discussion about the bucket list. This is made famous by the movie about two people who were told that that they have limited time to live and they then make a list of things to do before they "kick the bucket".

Mano thinks this reflects the current consumer commodity aspect of society and is just another incentive to consume, this time, before we die.

The concept of the bucket list seems sensible from the standpoint of the efficiency expert and organizational champion. If we want to achieve something, we should make a list, prioritize it, and systematically go down the list, checking off the accomplishments as we go.

What a sense of achievement we will have checking it off, knowing that we are maximizing the time we have and effectively conquering the impssible unknown of how much time we will have to do it. We would have done the best that we can. How can we do any better?

Yet, I see three possible outcomes.

One, we don't manage to finish the list before we die. While this is almost expected, we will not be able to fend off feeling that if we only have a little more time, we can do that much more. This may not be regret, it is wishing for more which is not much better.

Two, we finish the list before we die. We ought to be happy that we live long enough to do it all. But we will likely think that we were not ambitious enough when compiling the list? That we should amend the list until we run out of time with an unfinished, amended, list?

Three, organizing something has a way of taking over. Checking the list off can take us away from savoring the experience itself. The satisfaction of accomplishing and maximizing is good but comes at the price of diverting one's experience of life. Do we not all know someone who is more concerned about winning than enjoying the game?

What to do?

At this point, I would still go with seeing life as a journey rather than a destination. Enjoy what we have, be content, let new events bring joy and learning experiences to us.

Of course, we can always change our mind!