Meeting on sarcasm

We had our meeting at the Ideas Cafe on sarcasm yesterday and it was an interesting one.

There were examples of the positive and negative sides to the use of sarcasm and also speculation on why sarcasm is used.

Bruce mentioned that teachers refrain from using sarcasm in the classroom with their students as this is a bad example for the students who can pick it up quickly.  Sarcasm can be cutting, usually not complimentary and often can be a put down for the target.

Parents who are overly sarcastic with their children are not delivering a loving message. Sarcasm is an interrupter, generally discourages intimacy, and better used occasionally rather than as a normal mode of conversation. 

This makes me think of why serial situation comedies on television can be so tiring as they are often one line sarcastic comment after another and good thing that real people do not converse like that.

But that is also the reason why sarcasm can be tempting.  We all look for that one phrase, like a punch line at the end of a well prepared joke, that will summarize the situation succinctly.  It is like poetry in conversation.

Done successfully, a sarcastic remark can impress and improve the speaker's social standing among the social group that he/she is in and that is always a tempting target for social animals like us humans.

But a lot of sarcasm, like a lot of jokes, is at the expense of someone else within the group.  This is when it is akin to bullying but by a more verbally skilled person rather than physical bullying by a person of strength.

Sarcasm often involves saying something opposite to what words in the message indicate.  Why don't we just deliver a plain message as is?

Sometimes it is social norms and courtesy. It is generally impolite to address someone as obese, but perhaps a fun term like "horizontally endowed" may lighten the situation?

Teresa offered that sarcasm allows us to express anger without losing control.

It seems there are just various social situations when the direct comment may be too flat and inflammatory and sarcasm is the next best thing if a humorous phrase do not come to mind. 

Sarcasm can also be used to improve bonding within a social group.  It is something that you can do with people you are familiar with knowing that they will not be offended.  Outsiders may not understand the remarks but that adds to the cohesion of the social group insiders.

Wait a minute,  didn't we just say that sarcasm discourages intimacy? Yet sarcasm is used for bonding?

Coming out of the discussion, I can't help but feel that sarcasm is one of those complicated, constantly conflicting, and nuanced human social behaviors like humor, fashion, social norms, and others that can be impossible to write rules for but are very significant to how we socialize with others.  It can communicate like poetry, cut deeper than direct criticism, and yet build even tighter bonds among those who are already close.

It will be a big step forward in understanding humans if someone comes up with a computer that can be good in humor and sarcasm.