Meeting on manners and etiquette, social lubricant or acceptable dishonesty

Guess what,  the meeting did not go as I thought it would.  There are so many instance of this that I no longer know what to expect.

There was the usual discussion about manners and etiquette being the practice that stratify social circles, how richer people have the time to worry about manners and it becomes the differentiating mark.

Honesty is sacrificed under the desire to do good to the other and doing good is more important.

Paolo mentioned the word "phatic statements as words use to push a certain point but don't mean what it says". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phatic   We no longer answer to "how do you do" or even "how are you" as these are now understood as statement acknowledging your presence rather than a genuine inquiry about your condition.

Mano said that adults are more complicated and nuanced than children who tend to say what they see and think.  Having these nuances reinforces someone as a member of a social group and their understanding of the expected behaviour within the group.

The big thing is the example of the term "let's do lunch".

Frankly, I was surprised that most of the people at the meeting think that it is a brush off if there is no date mentioned.  In other words,  if someone says to you "let's do lunch sometime",  they are saying goodbye and they are not interested in seeing you again.

??

I am perhaps naive to think that at worst, "let's do lunch sometime" is a busy person's impractical promise to meet again when it is likely that they will not have the time.  That some people actually mean that they want to meet again with that phrase.

I googled the term and there is this  http://www.greenenergyinvestors.com/index.php?s=df4a5ebd16f1fb69b4971628c8a9ef17&showtopic=14377&pid=207352&st=0&#entry207352

Is this how cynicism gets into our lives?

Would we not rather be childlike and say what we see and mean what we say?

Is this why the early North American native Indian say "white man speak with fork tongue?"

Shula had a good analogy of these social idioms with word usage.  Every year, the dictionary include new words or spelling of old words to stay current with the evolution of language.  The same thing happens with manners and etiquette.  It evolves and someone points out it is prevalent and it becomes acceptable usage.

However, we cannot actually have a reference book of social manners and idioms such as "let's do lunch sometime" if it means a brush off.

Some ambiguity is needed for the term to have any value.  When everyone knows that it is a brushoff, the social leaders will have to change to another dishonest term to serve the same purpose of making people feel good.

Are we complicated or what.  Nuanced is good?

Will someone educate me more on similar phatic statements so that I don't live in a dream world of potential overflowing lunch invitations?