Why do we gossip?

We had an interesting discussion Wednesday evening about gossip and this continued on in our first time North Vancouver Ideas Cafe on Thursday. 

There seem to be several variations of what is gossip. 

While I always thought of gossip as involving some sharing of secrets and often of a negative nature,  a lot of people think gossip can be positive and also that it can be just conversation and small talk.

One of the definitions in my dictionary is that gossip is a conversation exchange without passing too much information......Then what is the point?

It is a typical male response as we males tend to be goal oriented.  Now I see that gossip and conversation is not just about exchanging information but often more about socializing.  It is about making people feel comfortable with each other,  exploring whether they should talk about something more personal to get into a closer circle with the other person.

As to the sharing of secrets side of gossip,  the secrets invoke drama, excitment, and a proposal of trust to the receiver of this shared secret.  There is no greater social experience than sharing a common endeaver with another person and sharing a secret is a close second to that.

Bruce mentioned that 160 students is an optimal size for a school and that schools with more students need to take special efforts to improve coesion to stop the school from breaking up into factions. 

This triggered my thinking that gossip is part of how a social group forms and grows and how smaller subgroups start forming within a bigger group that is loosing its grip on its members.

The sharing of confidences builds bonds among individuals sharing the secret and start making them feel that they have kinship with each other.

Ricki and Colleen said that they would not feel any closer to people who propose sharing other secrets with them as these gossipers are obviously not to be trusted. 

Just like a lier that said he no longer lies,  how do we know that a gossiper will not spread gossip about us as well?

That is very logical but the appeal of gossip is to the emotions, not logic.

Then, there is the gossip column in the newspapers.  It is characterised by the reporting of social news that do not seem to have any real consequence to the welfare of the general citizen.  Joseph said that this is an effort to make readers have a feeling of community, that they read about people they may know, making them feel they belong to the community.

It is what makes people feel a small town is friendlier than a city, where people know each other - where people gossip about someone you actually know.

Of course there is the preoccupation with the detail lives of the celebrities.  Some thinks that this is a form of open gossip.  The general public have a relationship with the celebrities through TV, film, music, and media.  Gossip about celebrities' private lives make the public that much closer to the celebrities.

RJ commented that gossip in which the gossiper puts down their target is a classic indication of lack of self esteem of the gossiper and the gossiper is trying to elevate his/her own position by "social downward comparison" (a new term I learn from Joseph).  Any psychology person out there who may care to comment?

I have gained a new respect for small talk.