The decision to have children is one of the most important decisions we make.People talk about getting married, buying a house, immigrating to another country as really pivotal moments that completely change their lives. There is no doubt that these are important moments with big implications but they mostly concern the decision maker(s) and can be undone to some extent.
Bringing another person into this world, on the other hand, takes on the responsibility of deciding what is good for this other person who is completely dependent on you and the decision cannot be undone.
Yet it seems historically before the prevalence of birth control, there was never that much question of the decision to have or not have children.
Even after the availability of the birth control pill to liberate women from the default role of being mother and caregiver, the decision to have children continue on as mostly as "the thing to do".
For a couple who is enjoying their blissful years of newly married life, there is little logical reason to trade that for the burden of child rearing. Even happiness studies show that couples are happiest when they first got married and drop considerably when the children arrived. The happiness index do not come back up until the children are grown.
The pressures of a career on the rise, a newly acquired mortgage obligation for the home, older parents that are starting to age just do not seem to be the right time for young couples to also take on the binding commitment to look after young helpless children for the next 20 years or so.
Nothing but more sacrifices and challenges awaits them.
No wonder couples are putting off having children later and later until the biological clock counts down on them.
So is the decision to have children base on example from previous generation and one's peers? A biological urge? A wish to create a dynasty of our own? to see an extension of ourselves down generations?A leap of faith for the most important decision we ever have to make?
My personal experience though, is that having children is a wonderful challenging experience. All the scary considerations just make it that much more challenging and satisfying. It is not something that can be logically defended in terms of decision making and that is what makes it so intriguing.
Looking back, it was a wonderful time even though we may not felt that way at the time.
What are some of the other decisions out there that is similar to the decision to have children, decisions that do not make logical sense but turn out to be good decisions when viewed after the experience?
It is a humbling experience to think that we do not always have all the pieces to make the right decisions.
Maybe herd instinct to follow others of our own species is not so bad after all?
Child advocacy is important, but allowing parents to make mistakes is just as important. I can't tell people how to raise their kids, afterall, but when a child grows up and wishes to be different from their parents, if they ask for help or put themselves out there to make changs, then I would support a person in growing fully into them self.
ReplyDeleteSo, herds are only as good as the ones who can find their own places amongst them. Often that means alot of tolerance, and kindness to people I may not be directly related too.
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